No Smoking Allowed! [Closed, Watari]

“Do you need to ask? More importantly Yuki, should you ask” Watari steepled his fingers and lent forward on the table and rested his chin on them. The Suzumei Mercy, Zenji Hatayama understood in a way Watari was surprised that Yuki didn’t either but often he forgot how her clan had been out of the games that other nobles play. All Yuki had received was a Suzumei Kindness and she didn’t even know the full implications of that either.

“I hope you don't die, Akimoto-san is expendable. You are not. Unfortunately I missed one of their heirs and now there apparently is another. If needed I will make him an ally and if not, I will show him my mercy as well” a recluse the new head, most nobles hadn’t seen him in years which either meant he was an invalid or incredibly powerful. Watari hoped for the first or an alternative where it was just bizarre treatment of a child. Bizarre treatment of children? You and your brothers would know a lot about that.

His heart beat.

Watari reached for a cigarette.

There weren't any.

His heart beat faster.

“Suzumei mercy, it’s the connotation, it roughly means “death because you have nothing left to give” but I feel it’s a broader concept than that. Or maybe there isn’t, it’s just death because they failed?” like all your brothers Watari? Were they failures? Your father killed them all one by one for his games and here you are. The last one. The twenty third son. Where are your brothers Watari? Why couldn’t you save them?

Ba-dum.

Ba-dum.

Ba-dum.

Well she had asked, hadn't she? In all honesty she didn't know whether he meant a bribe of some sort or simply elimination. As it turned out it was the latter.

A little cruel, isn't it?

Weren't you going to kill a bunch of people?

Fair.

Watari dressed it up a little more nicely, but it was similar to what she had in mind. Sure, she was a little more picky about who would be targeted. And sure, she didn't use any underhanded tactics either. But they were ultimately the same thing and they ultimately had the same end goal.

"Fair enough."

He seemed a little off. It was his heart. Was there something wrong? Maybe he was just getting riled up. All this talk of killing would normally get to her too. But, again, the tea was pleasant enough to help with it.

Ah. Wait. That's right.

She paused, lowering her cup. "Also I must thank you. You are doing a very good job right now. As I understand giving up smoking isn't easy. Is there anything I can do to help with that?"

Anything she could do?

SNAP HER NECK SHE’S TAKEN IT FROM US.
TAKE HER WHILE SHE’S VULNERABLE.
RUN HER THROUGH WHILE SHE’S UNARMED.

Ba-dum
Ba-dum
Ba-dum

“Anything?” You have nothing. She’s taken everything from you. There is no you and her, there’s only us and you’re broken. Shattered, a beast unchained, do her a mercy, end her life now it’ll be better for you and her. Where was Bezaliel? Next to him, why was he not speaking? Who was to say that he wasn’t the one that was speaking? Addiction. A D D I C T I O N. How far away?

Ba-dum
Ba-dum
Ba-dum

“What would you suggest?” small beads of sweat formed on his forehead as he looked up at her and managed to straighten himself for the rest of the cup of his tea. For a Zanpakuto he picked a perfect time to just not be present. Partners? Yeah right? But I’m here? Watari are you okay? The bruises have healed, you could create more it’d be so easy just wrap your hand around her throat and -

“We all have our vices”

Yuki nodded once, sipping quietly at her tea while she observed him. Unfortunately addiction was not her area of expertise. What helped an addict with their troubles? Food? More tea? Activities? He had managed to keep his mind off of it thus far.

"Within reason, of course."

What could she suggest? Unfortunately she didn't really know that much about him. That was weird, wasn't it? Weren't friends supposed to know about one another? That is what she'd heard before.

"Are you hungry? Would your bath help? What sort of things do you like to do?"

Was it a bit straight forward? Yes. But this is what she knew. Gather the important information. She wasn't working with much here.

A fight.

I suppose it could help.

It helps us.

It might not help him though.

Doesn't matter.

"What vices do you have? What ones do you believe me to have?"

There was the obvious of course. He had his smoking. She had her fighting. Her hunting. But again, what else was there? Perhaps just talking about these things might help him. Might as well give it a shot, right?

“Reason?” Watari's head swam with the conflicting thoughts and intrusive motives. This was why he smoked it was serene, it was calming, it was a way to avoid all of this. It dulled the edge of his brain and weakened his thoughts but that was the necessary evil wasn’t it? To avoid the truth? The truth is that you’re the last one isn’t it Watari. The last of the fifty. The only one who survived and the only one who did what needed to be done.

“Hungry?” He was really doing a bad job at responding coherently, what was wrong with him? He was hungry but . . . no. That wouldn’t fix the problem. Watari was hungry for many things but he doubted a loaf of bread would appease the pounding of his head right now. Cannibalism wasn’t his thing either, despite the part of him demanding for excessive amounts of violence.

RIGHT NOW.
AT THIS MOMENT.
JUST THE THROAT AND THEN THE REST.

“The bath may help? Surely Rei is done?”

The Head of the Suzumei asked standing abruptly, what was her question? Vices? Where had that come from. She was as bloodthirsty as he. Did he tell her that though? She should expect it anyway so it probably didn’t matter. What was more important was killing her righ- no. She isn’t like the rest, she’s just like your father, no she’s not. Yes she is. And did your mother deserve it?

“You’re consumed by the fight and . . . strawberries?”

Wow. This addiction has hit him pretty hard.

When Watari abruptly stood to his feet Yuki lowered her cup. For a moment she tensed up. Was he going to make a move? Attack her? After all this quiet, pleasant conversation? He was clearly fighting something. Was it just his addiction?

She quickly tossed back the rest of her tea, setting the cup down. Standing to her feet her tail curled around her weapon, hoisting it up in order to settle it back into its proper position at her hip. Then she turned, waving for the man to follow.

"Come. I'll show you to it."

Yuki moved over to a wall, sliding open a door. It led to one of the many hallways which split up her residence. Thankfully it wouldn't be a long trip. Her estate really wasn't that grand. But she was getting a little worried for the man.

Better to keep him talking.

"Yes. Consumed by the fight. The hunt. I do enjoy strawberries. Not just for their taste either. They hold a certain nostalgia for me. What about you? What sort of things are you consumed by? What do you enjoy doing?"

WHAT ARE YOU CONSUMED BY?
WHAT DO YOU ENJOY DOING?

Watari followed Yuki as they began a hopefully short walk to wherever the baths were. Should he just cut his losses and run? The cigarette packets weren’t that far away but they’d probably already been taken by street urchins. Urchins like your brothers? How much do you choose to remember Watari Suzumei? How much do you choose to forget?

As they continued Watari realised he’d left his Zanpakuto behind. He could always retrieve it later but wasn’t this just another thing he had forgotten? Another object of his life left behind for no reason other than to forget.

“My brothers and I used to draw. All of us, we’d gather around these walls and tell stories of what we would be when we were older”

TINKER
TAILOR
SOLDIER
SPY

MURDERER
BUTCHER
SHINIGAMI
SNAKE

Why are you telling her? She’ll just leave like the rest, but the rest didn’t leave did they? You killed them. I didn’t kill them. Well that’s not true is it? We all know the true story of Watari, after father was done for, what did you do to your mother? She just watched! Of course, they always watch! Look at Yuki? She watches you, looks at how unnerved you’re making her, she brought her Zanpakuto! Maybe she’ll give you what you wish.

“We created a world of heroes, of people who weren’t afraid to save those who couldn’t be saved. We created a vision of the Gotei 6” VISION? VISION? VISION? WHERE IS THE VISION, THEY SIT AROUND AS MONGRELS AND BEGGARS. WHERE IS THE VISION WATARI? WHY HAVEN’T YOU ACTED YET?

“So I keep to that vision. A little more each day. Step by step”

AND THEN YOU DRAW.
IN THEIR BLOOD?
IN HERS?
GO ON THEN. SEE IF SHE CARES. SHE WON’T.
SHE’S LIKE YOU.
AND YOU’RE LIKE HER.
THERE IS NO HAPPY ENDING.

"Drawing?"

Wait.

"Brothers? I didn't know you had any siblings."

For a moment she pondered the idea of multiple Wataris running around. It was a bit frightening in all honesty. Perhaps that was how he was able to get so much done so quickly. If he had assistance from people close to him then that would certainly help, wouldn't it?

Then again it might not have been a friendly subject to touch upon. Perhaps it was better to ask him about it later. She paused at a pair of doors. One was marked for men and one was marked for women. A quick sniff at the air indicated that Rei wasn't inside. She was probably on her break by now.

"Those sound like lovely drawings. I'd like to know more about it, however we have reached the baths."

Finally she turned towards the man. "It's a traditional bath. Lockers for your clothes. Rei should have provided something for you to wear. A bucket to wash off before you enter the bath. I doubt you'll need help in there so I'll wait here for you to finish. Don't worry about your clothes. I'll have them washed and returned to you later. If you need anything just shout. I'll hear it."

“Many, there were fifty of us at one point between multiple mothers,” Watari recalled, but he couldn’t recall any of their names. Had he forgotten their names as well? What a despicable human he was, Watari didn’t deserve to live. Why had he lived? Why did you live? I’m trying to work that out myself.

He nodded thanks to Yuki and vanished into the baths taking time to remove his clothing and store them in the lockers before using the wash bucket to cleanse himself of his sins. You have many sins don’t you? Does the water help? Does it hide your scars? He ran his hands down his body tracing the myriad of scar tissue that covered most of his body. These scars are your survival. These scars are your legacy.

Watari slowly walked towards the baths and stared into the waters, it wasn’t Watari that looked back but a pale near skeletal figure in a red robe, two horns protruded horizontally out of it’s skull whilst it’s yellowing teeth seemed to be sneering. He knew it’s identity easily.

“Bezaliel”

“Watari, you left me behind”

“It’s not time yet”

“I agree, but there are things you need to remember before then”

The Head of the Suzumei touched the surface of the water and it rippled, the image of Bezaliel transforming into a small naked scarless boy - the twenty third son of the Suzumei Clan. Watari sighed and stepped into the waters allowing the warmth of them to soak into his bones.

Watari stood aside his brothers, there were only thirty left now and the experiments were growing more intense. None of them were quite sure what their father was doing when he pitched them against each other to fight, he always said it was to see which was the strongest to be the Head of the Suzumei but he didn’t even give them sticks to fight with.

They drew the things that bothered them, the strange white creatures that floated in test tubes and of the Zanpakuto their father held and used to scar their flesh. He’d said it was to make them stronger, to bring them together and that they were too young to understand. The only thing Watari understood was pain.

AND THEN?

Watari stood in front of his mother.

Her throat had been torn out.

So had the other surrogates.

Their father lay at the end of the room smiling, he still had a cigarette in his mouth.

There was so much blood.

THIS IS WHAT YOU ARE. MURDERER, BUTCHER, SHINIGAMI, SNAKE.

“You ended the pain for them all”

And Watari smiled as his spiritual pressure rose.

But he was at peace.

Drawing. Do I have anything lying around for that?

She would need to stop by the study. For now however she took the moment to relax. So far it had gone pretty well! They hadn't fought. She had a new friend, even if the circumstances surrounding that friendship were a little unusual. Heck she hadn't even needed to deal with the man's smoking. In fact it was going to be a little easier to sit around him following the bath.

Am I being rude to him? Am I asking too much of him?

He did kidnap you.

Well-

And he tried to force you into marrying him.

Sort of.

He will be especially vulnerable now.

Stop.

You want to marry him?

What?

End him and you end this little game of his. Go on. Cut him down.

Is that all we're going to talk about? Killing him?

What else is there to discuss?

Anything else. Everything else.

What about that?

What?

She felt something. Watari. Was that him? What was going on in there? Sliding off her sandals she'd step into the female's bathroom, hurrying her way over towards the door that led out into the bath. The door was slid open, right hand moving onto the hilt of her weapon as she excited, gaze swiftly searching for her guest. She hadn't heard a scuffle.

"Is everything okay?"

Watari sat cross legged in the baths, the flow of the water against him allowed him to organise what he had previously been blocking out. Much like a messy file cabinet he had wished better to ignore, Watari let himself shuffle the new thoughts in and balance out the conflicts that accompanied them.

So this is why he smoked? Well Watari was sure there were other reasons. The withdrawals were there, the cold sweat and the craving for familiar action. But the Head of the Suzumei didn’t think he would anymore. If he was going to obtain Bankai then the first step was quitting the addiction and letting these thoughts that he left suppressed have free reign. He needed to move forward.

“Mmm?” Watari opened one eye as Yuki entered the male baths. He wasn’t annoyed or embarrassed, she’d seen his scars before they wouldn’t be new to her. He was naked however, so that was probably a problem but hopefully the waters hid most of it. If not, well. Watari wasn’t going to touch on that.

“Are you coming to join?” Watari asked, he’d noticed his own spiritual pressure spike, that was probably what brought her here. But Watari hadn’t felt so mellow in what felt like years. It was as if a burden that had been growing on his shoulders just rolled off all of sudden.

“Sorry, the withdrawals are getting to me”

Nope. No unheard battle. No outer struggle. No accidental drowning. There had simply been a spike in the man's spirit. Whatever it was had to be internal. An internal battle with something. Perhaps his addiction?

Right. Good.

Of course he had said before that assassins would come, and she had fended off at least a couple by this point in time. Was it really so far-fetched that one might pop up now? She didn't think so. But just as importantly she needed to act as a proper host! Well, she didn't need to but she wanted to. Call it her way of proving to the world that she wasn't just some beast.

"Ah. My apologies. I thought you were in danger."

He did appear to be better now. Still, perhaps leaving him to his own thoughts was a bad idea. A finger raised up, scratching at her cheek while she considered her options. Joining him was certainly one of them. Or she could sit where she was. A bath did sound nice. But could she really trust him?

He is a friend. Friends are supposed to trust each other.

He is not a friend! YOU HAD BETTER NOT-

Trust is earned.

-ENTER THAT BATH! TAKE ME UP! SLAY HIM! NOW!

"I wouldn't wish to intrude. Is it not unusual for a host to bathe with their guest?"

With a shrug the wolf stepped over to the edge of the sunken baths, settling down at the edge. Her sash was loosened just a slight bit, kimono pulled up enough to expose her feet. Bandages were wrapped along her left leg. She had to keep most of it out of the water, but she could allow her feet to dip within. To be fair one could treat it like an open air springs, but that hadn't really crossed her mind.

"Besides, my wounds might mess up your bath. You wouldn't want that, right?"

Maybe. Most of them had already nearly finished healing. It wasn't as though she minded nudity either. She didn't care. Bodies were bodies. There had been plenty of times during battle where she'd been exposed in one way or another. Worrying about that sort of thing was just a hindrance.

"How did you get those?" she decided to ask, nodding towards the man's scars. Well. His body in general. At the same time she removed her zanpakuto, sheathe and all, and set it aside. He was unarmed anyways.

She was close, he could smell her strawberry scent as she neared him. Her leg was bandaged, really somebody had gone for her legs? Well, that made sense with how she moved. Yuki preferred to fight up close, it wouldn’t surprise Watari if she went for some sort of slide and took the cut on the way through the maneuver. How far up did those bandages go anyway? Watari splashed some water on his face.

“Honestly no idea, it doesn’t bother me anyway, I haven’t really taken baths with the people before, didn’t really have baths back in my childhood with my brothers full stop. So I have no idea what the noble customs are and have never cared for them” Watari splashed some water in Yuki’s direction and then lent back against the edge of the pool. He tilted his head and craned his neck looking around at their surroundings, but he couldn’t sense or see anybody else.

“If you stain the waters, it’s fine. The flow of water should keep it clean, right?” Watari traced his scars again and ran his fingers along them, deep gashes replaced with scar tissue. Wounds from fights and sadistic torture. They held memories. The Head of Suzumei leant a tiny bit forward and flick some water at Yuki.

“My father did them. For each of the sons that failed he drove his Zanpakuto into our bodies and marked us, “you’re a failure” he would say “but not as much of a failure as the last” and overtime those blows did more than just mark us, they killed us, one by one we dropped”

Droplets of water splattered against her pale leg. A few soaked into her kimono and the bandages that were exposed. There didn't seem to be any bleed-through from it. Maybe it would be okay. But did she trust him enough? She said she did. She said they were friends just as he had said it to her. She was trying to trust him.

"True."

Her gaze lingered upon the man as he mapped out his own scars. She had to admit that they were a little more horrific than her own. Also he'd splashed her again. Not as much this time, but one could almost construe it as a challenge.

"Ah."

Well. His story certainly did lend credence to the idea that his scars were much worse than her own. She felt a little bad about asking now, but what was done was done. But after a good minute of pause she decided to both lighten the mood and have herself a little bit of revenge! Her tail, having curled around behind her, dipped itself within the water, only to then send a little splash in Watari's direction!

"I am sorry to hear that. But if it is any consolation I think you've turned out much better than he was. At least, going off what little I know."

No wonder he was so messed up! But this wasn't a time for judgement. It was a time for sharing! Friends shared, after all! Right?

"I have plenty of scars. You've probably seen a few. But they are admittedly much harder to locate. Well, unless you're really close. The only real obvious one is, of course, this one" she mentioned, pointing a thumb towards her left eye. "Mostly fights. Hollows. Other Shinigami. But also other kids when I was young. Nobles."

“You know, if you knew their names a Suzumei Kindness would also extend to the Suzumei Lady” Watari said as he swirled the water with his hand, swirling anything was just a nice action. He had absolutely no complaints, it was comfortably warm, he was happy and he wasn’t being plagued by the collision of memories against his ideals. Watari himself also couldn’t feel Bezaliel but he knew that was because his Zanpakuto was in another room and was choosing to leave him alone for the moment. They would both have a lot to reflect on, mostly because it seemed like Bezaliel’s smoke was some sort of metaphor for his own ingrained trauma.

“Sorry, Suzumei Friend, the concept of you still being the lady of the house is mentioned too much by my servants” but Suzumei Friend didn’t sound right, not even friend sounded right. Yuki was more to Watari than he’d previously thought and it encompassed alot of his feelings towards her, maybe if other people had got him to open up he’d be different but in his life so far there had only been Yuki Kameko.

“Come on then, tell me the stories, how did you get those scars?” the fact people had even scarred Yuki bothered him on a spiritual level. Watari felt like if he let it the pure fury would consume him if he let it, but with his own instability balanced about all he had left was the battle fervor pumping through his veins and he was in no danger. Well, not until Yuki got angry at him which as far as he could tell, might as well be soon with his luck at conversing with her.

Watari moved closer to Yuki across the pool and sent a splash up against her leg and tail, was she really going to avoid it when the water was this good? Maybe, he moved himself closer and leant against the side of the pool watching her.

“I’m tragic unfortunately but at least I can talk about it with somebody who cares”

The wolf shook her head slowly. Still with the marriage stuff? But as it turned out it was simply a slip of the tongue. Maybe. She didn't really know if that was true or not. But did it really matter?

"It is fine."

Of course her scars weren't all linked to one main instigator. He was sharing, so why not do the same? It was actually a nice little thing that they could bond over, having both received quite a bit of hardship through their days. And he was right too: it was nice to talk about it with someone who cared.

Why not? Screw noble rules.

So with a slight shrug she completely unwrapped her sash and allowed her kimono to drop behind her, pooling against the ground next to the bath. Bandages covered both of her arms, much of her left leg, and a good third of her torso. They concealed her chest, partly there due to a couple of minor wounds and partly there because she'd expected a fight today. Beyond that, well, she wore a pair of undergarments. Cotton. An almost white shade of pink covered by little cartoon strawberries.

This did leave much of her body exposed, which was pretty much what she was going for. Thin lines covered her form, most blending in pretty well with the rest of her pale flesh. There were dozens. To start she'd point to one along her left side. It seemed to curve around to her back.

"My first solo hunt. I got a little too confident. Nearly killed me."

The next scar she pointed to were a set of three smaller lines, dashes really, on her right leg close to her inner thigh. "A Hollow managed to get its jaws around me. Nearly took off my leg. Again. Too confident. I think that was during my second year hunting solo."

Now that I think about it a lot of these have been confidence related. Huh.

Deciding to go with something else she lifted her chin, pointing at a little scar on her neck. It was located just above the left portion of her collarbone. "Nobility. Some kid chucked a bottle at me. Usually it was that or rocks."

Her tail wagged softly behind her. This was actually kind of nice! Neither of them really seemed bothered by the other either! Well, so far anyways. It was nice to find others who weren't so iffy about those sorts of things. Also not fighting something was a nice refreshing change in pace.

"Lost my eye to a noble kid too. I'm sure you've already looked up the details to that one."

Yuki dropped her kimono and Watari couldn’t help but run his eyes over her body. Her chest was bandaged but what was more worrying was the sheer amount of bandages that covered her form, she’d been downplaying the amount of injuries she had sustained and was hiding most of them!

“It doesn’t surprise me that you were confident. You literally tried to skewer me in front of every noble in Soul Society and we saw how that ended” Watari laughed, was she just always like that? Every decision she made was spur of the moment and impulsive. She literally darted forward with all the savagery of a wolf and the only reason she’d been stopped was because Watari had managed to get a hand around her throat and literally knocked her out.

“I have to say if a Hollow literally had you in it’s mouth, I don’t know how you didn’t die. Must’ve been a pretty simple Hollow” Watari observed, unless she’d killed it the moment the Hollow had a hold of her? But even then, the fact Yuki survived it was astounding. There was no way a regular Shinigami would survive an attack with a Hollow at that close of a proximity.

“Your father? Ah yes, I heard the stories. If you ever want to meet the other child again, I know where he is” Watari wouldn’t tell her that the other of the two boys was being followed by a few Suzumei associates, if the word was given the (now) man would be taken off the street and Yuki could do with him what she wished. It was after all, a Suzumei Kindness to everything that Yuki was and what they wanted to be.

“Just give me the word”

"Well. I suppose that is true, yes. Maybe I take it a little too far sometimes, but confidence is key in this profession, right?"

Besides, she had good reason to be confident! She was pretty skilled, after all! And she'd escaped death many times! Also not being confident wasn't going to help her get friends, and she really wanted to have friends.

"Ah. Well. It was just about dead, yes. A last ditch attack on its part. It was very close. And yes, it was pretty simple too. An intelligent Hollow would have ended me there."

He knew of the child? Well. Probably not a child. But that was an interesting proposition. She didn't really know how to feel about it.

On one hand-

REVENGE!

On the other hand-

GIVE HIM TO US!

It was possible that his family was not terrible. Of course that hadn't been the case when they were children. Far from it. But many years had passed. Perhaps he felt some guilt over what happened, right? Then again her father had slain the kid's friend.

"I'll think about it" she mumbled, gaze focused down towards the water now. Maybe. Maybe she would ask him for a meet up. But then he might just try to bluff his way too.

Eventually she'd pull herself back to her feet, sighing softly. Arms stretched out overhead as she turned, tail scooping up her kimono and zanpakuto. Enough time had passed, right? Watari would certainly be clean by now!

"You should be clean enough. Perhaps it might be better if we continue this over more tea?"

Indeed, she needed to think on that suggestion. In any case she'd venture back out through the women's changing room, kimono slipped back onto her body, secured once more by her sash. Tea helped her think. Perhaps they could pick a few strawberries while they waited?

Watari nodded, still bemused by the thought of the Wolfgirl trying to kill a Hollow with sheer confidence. She really was an amazing Shinigami, the Head of the Suzumei just had to make sure he didn’t make it go to her head with compliments. Yuki Kameko was special to him, special because she understood him fundamentally. The scars, the battle fervor and even deeper than that.

“Just give me the word” he repeated. Watari was being serious, he would do anything to see Yuki smile and if the punishment of somebody who had hurt her was a part of it? Then so be it. He would use all of his resources to make sure that her happiness was maintained. What about her passion for combat? He was okay with just letting her do what she wanted, he was sure she was fine.

“Clean enough? After all this, I think I’ve barely relaxed properly” Watari said with a gesture, nodding appreciatively as she left the baths. It didn’t take the Shinigami long to stand and towel off, letting himself just exist in the area. The servants would feed off these rumors if Rei was anywhere nearby, they would not let the title of “Lady of the Suzumei” die from Yuki’s name and after them sharing a bath? Why not?

Rei had left him a kimono that was monogrammed with a Suzumei ‘S’ apparently she had been expecting his visit? He was appreciative of it nonetheless as he slid sandals on his feet and followed in Yuki’s footsteps. What was the way to that waiting room? Oh god, oh right, that way, after all that had happened and sheer overloading of his mind to the pangs of addiction tracing his footsteps was more difficult than he thought.

Watari tilted his head as his body broke out in a cold sweat. Oh this was expected. The killer headache was too, but now he would hold his resolve. Watari Suzumei would not smoke again.

Thankfully it was not a long wait. By the time Watari emerged her kimono was nice and prim and proper, just as it had been beforehand. Of course she didn't immediately notice the monogrammed 'S' upon the kimono that Watari wore, and for a brief moment she didn't even think anything of it. But it wasn't long before a thought crossed her mind.

Ah. Rei. Of course.

She was relentless, wasn't she? But it was fine. Yuki could live with that. The woman was still quite loyal to Watari, but they were friends now. How could they not be after their little chat in the bath? Did she trust him completely? No. But then she trusted nobody completely. There would always be just a little bit of tension within her body, within her mind.

But he isn't a terrible person. Or, at the very least, he is changing. He can change.

Yuki glanced back. Watari didn't look very good. Another distraction might help! So she led the way not to the waiting room but instead back to her garden.

Even this place was simple. White pebbles surrounded an old stone path. There were plenty of cherry trees here just as there were out front, but they only surrounded the garden itself, almost like a makeshift wall. Within resided a wood gazebo with old polished stone benches. Surrounding this was a strawberry patch.

"Would you like to pick some?" she asked, retrieving a straw basket from within the gazebo. "This place is very special to me. For a number of reasons. I find it helps me to relax. Perhaps it might help you too."

“I just . . . “ Watari didn’t feel right about it all, he didn’t want to feel like them bathing together was some kind of manipulation on his part because it wasn’t. He needed to make sure she felt the right way, or at least similar enough that he wouldn’t regret it later. As she led him through her personal garden and down the old stone path he could only feel the question building in his head.

“Yuki, you know I see us as more than friends right?” Watari asked, in romance he was naive, in friendship he was an idiot. He was so inexperienced in these things that his heart ached and his cold sweat grew worse but that was probably because of the addiction. In all things Watari was a planner and a thinker, except this. In matters of the heart he might as well have been a child.

“You opened up to me, you showing me all of these things you hold dear, I want it to be for the right reasons and not a misconstruction of reality because I’d love to share this with you, I would, but what if there’s somebody else . . . somebody better” He gestured at himself as he remembered all the things he had done to her and would do. His pieces were moving, the noble game was twisting and if she wasn’t invested in him? Then everything he did would be for nothing. Watari would in this way, much prefer to fall onto his Zanpakuto.

To be so open?
To be so vulnerable?

It terrified him.

Yuki paused. Well of course! He wanted to marry her, did he not? That meant he wanted more than friendship. But then she also knew it wasn't just a matter of noble standing. No, he had nothing to gain by that.

"Right. Yes. I do know this."

Without waiting she moved to the edge of the patio area. Her gaze was focused down upon her precious plants. Fingers moved along the many little fruits, nose sniffed repeatedly as she picked out those morsels that were perfectly ripened and prepared for snacking. The scent of strawberries calmed her. It brought her back to a happier place.

She could almost hear the giggling of a younger self. An ignorant little pup who pushed through the bushes, who jumped out to scare her mother. Together they would laugh. The woman would give chase. Every single time she was caught. Hugs generally followed.

"I cannot say that somebody better doesn't exist. There is no way for me to know this for certain. But there is generally always someone better. Better than you. Better than I. Better than everyone else. What you ask of me is unfamiliar territory. Just being friends is new. It's unexplored."

Was she scared? Could she even be scared? Or was this some other feeling? Did nervous count as being scared? It sort of did, right?

"I need time. I need time to think about it. I would need more time with you. I don't even know if this is normal between friends."

Yuki stopped and turned to look to the man, lifting a strawberry to her lips. "You know more about these sorts of things. Is it normal to profess such feelings to someone you only recently became friends with? Or to accept those feelings?" she asked, biting into the berry once her question was proposed.

Watari just watched her eat the strawberry, so she did know? Then it was okay then, he wasn’t manipulating her - not Yuki, he could not, he would not! Not any more. This woman was the only source of sanity in this deranged world that he was attempting to solve. This woman was the only slice of normality he had left and she had been so close in leaving him weeks before.

“Between friends? I have no idea, romance I just don’t get it. I don’t try to. I could sit here professing my love for days and days and you would still stand to leave me” Watari walked passed her and picked a strawberry from the patch that looked similar to the one Yuki had fetched. He wasn’t sure what he was looking for? Obviously it needed to be red and plump which this one was, but was there other things missing?

“I’m scared Yuki, I’m scared of what you can do to me, I’m scared of what you represent to me. The infallible scheming Watari Suzumei, brought low by his love? What if they came for you and not me? What if something happened to you because of me? I wouldn’t be able to stand myself” Watari said, holding the strawberry between his index and thumb, watching it as he fought the urge to just cut and run he assumed she wanted to do. But even saying that last part was foolish wasn’t it? This was Yuki Kameko, he previously thought how formidable she was! Why now? Why say this now? Because you have more to lose.

“I don’t know. All I know is what I feel and what we share”

While she nibbled upon her chosen fruit Yuki glanced over towards Watari. Not a terrible choice. Going by sight alone they were a fine match. However her's smelled sweeter. Tasted sweeter. It felt a little less firm. Just a touch.

As she finished off her chosen morsel she returned her gaze towards the plant, seeking out another to pick. "I don't get it either. I don't get any of this. I don't know what to say. But we are friends. Friends stick together, do they not? Or did I get that wrong?"

A nice red one was plucked away. She inspected it carefully, sniffed at it. "Do not ponder upon such outcomes. Not for long. It doesn't do you any good to dwell upon what you might have done differently, or what might happen, especially when you have no certainties. Trust me."

She turned to him and held up the strawberry. "The scent. This one is sweeter. You can feel that it is a bit riper too."

They did share a lot, didn't they? And she didn't hate him. She certainly trusted him more. Was this what friendship was? Diving headlong together into something you didn't understand?

"I'll think about it. I'll consider it. I'll at least promise you that."

I need to do more research before making a choice. It seems like an important one, right?

She was right, he was doing that thing he did, like that time in his estate. He was overthinking it all but didn’t he overthink everything? To be so prepared in every aspect of his life but not in this one unnerved him deeply. But he’d trust her, because that was all he could do. He just needed to let Yuki Kameko make her choice and accept the consequences no matter what.

“You’re right, I’m in my head again” Watari took a bite of the strawberry and savored it. It was nice and sweet. If Yuki did many things right, then he could add growing strawberries to that growing list of his whenever he discovered a new thing about her. They stood there for a while just the two of them, savoring strawberries one by one and Watari appreciated her presence, to be in the moment was her greatest gift to him.

The cold sweat was bad, the headaches were growing worse, but somehow just enjoying these strawberries was helping make it all manageable. He worried less, he just let the pain hit him, wave after wave. It wanted to knock him over, wanting him to concede to the overwhelming pull of the addiction. He would not.

He took her advice and chose better strawberries, ones with slight differences to the first one he’d picked. Watari had no idea how she managed to tell, as far as he could tell the curvature of the strawberry had a role to play but also the deepness of the red hue. There really was an art to picking the right strawberry.

“You know, the way you pick strawberries is like a wine merchant selecting which bottle of wine to serve his guests, I can tell how you know the differences, but on a deeper level I have no idea”