Watashi wa nata ni dōi shimasen

Hello friends,

This is a request involving my first three threads as well as Helena's Shikai. I think you'll find a good deal of surface area pulled out of my character and laid a little bit bare for the reader. Bare enough, at least, to warrant Helena unleashing her Shikai as the battle with The Flock reaches its Climax.

Let's talk about THE THREADS then, shall we?

"This Isn't Even My Final Form!" with Nao Aoki. More than just a simple play on words, this thread highlights the baseline of both characters nicely. As I am playing Helena, I'll obviously be focusing on her slice on this. Helena is a woman who doesn't like her 'nobility'. She wasn't born with it and was married along for the ride out of pity. But during the journey, she came to enjoy the privilege. She wears it uncomfortably AND proudly at the same time, vacillating sometimes within the same paragraph as she speaks with Nao.

This thread continues on to explore a lot of motivations, framing what it is that Helena hopes to gain most immediately and most pressingly, at least as far as she is willing to admit out loud and to another soul. The crucial grab here is to underscore that the spirits, which speak later on this thread, align with Helena and share her patience for 'the long game'.

Helena has vengeance on her mind and a powerful need to realize the dreams of the departed.

"The Noble Meetup" is obviously a large and significant thread in the early site-lives of a majority of characters. Helena is no exception. Although her part here is minor in Watari's grand scheme, we see her eagerness to throw others under the bus and spare those she can argue for their usefulness. And as Helena makes her "exit", surveying the carnage and figuratively watching Rome burn, she savors the bittersweet taste of watching others have their own plans taken from them. It's in their last moments you truly learn a person's values.

Although they were her "family" they clearly never treated her as a member of one in any fashion save for the name. These feelings, raw as they were, were looking to be confronted. True to who she is, she denied herself the finality of actually saying something.

Our third thread, "Kogarashi", brings Ms. Akimoto into conflict with the Hollow known as 'The Flock'. A grisley scene as she happens upon the murder of three youths by the fledgling beast leaves her with no choice but to fight. She's afraid. This is the stage. And although there was no one else there to see it (or perhaps specifically because) she must confront herself and the knowledge that there are no more excuses or places to run. If she wants to make people pay, if she wants her greater vengeance, it would have to start by confronting the long wait to get here and bring it to a stop.

The beady eyes of all these birds, like so many missed opportunities in her past, stared deep into her and forced the issue to the surface.

Flee and abandon her goals forever.

Stand and call upon her true self, embracing the opportunities that will come.

Helena's goals from here are going to take her up the ladder, hopefully, of the Fifth Division. Once the dust settles from Watari's coup, she'll shift her presence and her influence up accordingly to match and become Lady Akimoto. If all goes to plan. From there she can change her clan, change herself, to become the leader she hoped that she always could. The Central 46 and the title of Judge are hopefully on the horizon.

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Zanpakutou

My Spirits: Kannasutā & Kannaduki

Kannasutā or "Godless Star" is represented by a tall, lithe woman with an otherworldly grace. She wears ethereal silks and long flowing gowns, often hiding her face behind ornate but dark-colored fans, or a veil if nothing is in hand. She speaks in a sing-song lilt with an aloofness, a hollowness to her words that drips with double-speak.  Kannasutā occupies Helena's Katana.

Kannaduki or "Godless Moon" is represented by a similarly tall and lithe woman but this one has a predatory grace. Compact in movement and appearance, like a coiled spring ready to unleash its energy. She speaks in sultry baritones and using evocative and fiery language that carries passion and madness. Like a former lover calling you at 4am, you both know its no good but you want to listen, you want to feel. Kannaduki occupies Helena's Wakizashi.
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My Inner World: Helena's inner world is a starlit lagoon on a nondescript island adrift a nondescript sea. Quiet waters, sloping rocky enclosures, and white sands. Occasional palms and sandalwood trees stretch up between patches of bamboo breaking up the horizon. In the middle of the lagoon is another smaller island full of moss-covered ancient ruins. A temple to a long-dead god, or perhaps a god that never existed at all.

Despite the constant night, the heavens are always filled with countless twinkling stars that dance their pale platinum and silver lights. An enormous moon dances in the sky overhead, encircling the lagoon below in predictable but meandering pattern. The phases of the moon change from moment to moment but it never becomes either completely full or completely new.
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Sealed Zanpakuto: Kannasutā is a modest katana 34 inches in length quite simple in design. A straight, slender blade is accentuated by a black, circular handguard and a simple, black grip. There are no interesting features or quirks of the blade itself aside from a shobu-hi (a type of blood groove) that runs the length of the blade. The saya, although principally black, is decorated with small white and pink cherry blossoms.

Kannaduki is a wakizashi is a 26-inch blade of a similarly simple design. The handguard is oval and the tsuba is inlaid with an intricate and symmetrical pattern set in silver. The tsuka is capped with a short, cherry blossom pink ribbon that hangs about 6 inches.
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Release Command: "Kaminashizuki" (lit. 'The time without gods')

Released Zanpakutou: Both blades begin to weep a silvery, platinum liquid. It appears thick and viscous but actually has very little mass, feeling almost as if nothing is there at all. This liquid has the texture of oil and smells a bit like ozone. The length, appearance, and decoration of the blades remain otherwise unchanged.

Release Ability: As Helena swings her sword around, the silvery fluid splashes and flies around casting literal liquid starlight on the terrain and her opponent. While this liquid is not innately harmful, it is unnaturally cold and can stop wounds from healing up properly if not treated and cleaned (although this is not a mechanical effect).

Although there are 5 phases to the moon (discounting waxing and waning), Helena's skill and mastery have left her with control over 2 of them delineated by the half-moon. If the moon is visible, it will track from one phase to the other as starlight splashes around; if the moon is not visible this is most easily signaled by the luminosity of the liquid.

When closer to New Moon: Helena has sensory perception from the liquid starlight on the battlefield. While this doesn't circumvent illusions or tricks, it does give her a distinct advantage in awareness.

When closer to Full Moon: Helena can compel all liquid starlight to rocket toward her sword and be reabsorbed. It can then be released in concentrated strikes or waves of energy not unlike the raw destructive power of a cero. As should be obvious, more starlight equates to more destructive power.
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Thank you for your patience. I got to this some time ago but, as we are addressing reviews we like to improve our process and wound up having some somewhat asynch discussions!

An unwanted noble scion, shot to the top of the food chain. Let's take a look.

PASS - Writing - Solid writing throughout. Helena has some truly great lines, the dialogue of her Zanpakuto spirit is unique and pops, even if it's cribbing from another work it is a sincere pastiche of those ideas. Helena comes across as a very interesting and dynamic character through the writing. Keep it up, this is a fine quality to see you through the rest of your time here. If you're looking for a more critical eye, I suppose we'll have to see you on the second go-round!

CONDITIONAL - Release - A very good interpretation of two spirits, the night and day so to speak. I like their aesthetic, I like the inner world. Very visually pretty. I don't find the connection between these elements and Helena's internal self immediately obvious but hey at this stage I don't expect I'd would.

The release ability is a step too far by its nature. We had a discussion regarding this, and decided that the ability you want is, by itself, fine or at least when we're prepared to mechanically lock in effects it is fine. The issue lies with the aesthetic of altering a localized battlefield. Specifically 'When released during the day, the sun is replaced by a gigantic new moon and a firmament of softly twinkling stars (although it still remains 'day time')'. A first release should be an ability stemming from the user, an effect which alters the nearby location is more appropriate to second release and beyond.

The spread of moonlight from the swing, the dual abilities intended to go up to five, the alteration of creating a gigantic faux moon and stars, the hard to heal wounds is too much. The dual abilities as written with the spreading moonlight would be fine from the blade, along with the aesthetic of messy wounds from the liquid moonlight so long as it isn't an implied mechanical danger are fine, so, if you are comfortable removing the aesthetic of changing day to night (and perhaps saving that for a second release) this section would bring the whole thing to a pass.

If it seems unclear or you take any issue with the above clarification, then, we'll have to work it out. Feel free to reach out to do so.

PASS - Moment - It's a very solid moment, tying together Helena's past and her ambitions with the present moment. She has a need, she reaches for it and takes hold. The dynamic of the spirits is very good. A criticism if this were a second release would be that it is pulled out of the aether, the material she is burning for this sudden crystalization was written for this moment, and that's totally fine on a First Release, but on a Second it is better to have laid the groundwork for it within the narrative. This is a third thread, so again, that's not something I think would be all the reasonable or even good within this span but something to bear in mind as you move forward.

PASS - Impact - Your first thread with Nao is a fun bit of worldbuilding on both your parts, particularly with Nao which I like to see. It's an unusual thread and it is taken seriously enough to allow the site to gain something from it which I appreciate. The noble meet up is a big site, from no small amount of site owner fiat, but everyone within has a part to play in. You seem to go out of your way to provide a little something to connect Helena to each of the people within the thread, she is the first to agree without condition. Kogarashi, Helena provides the antagonism for a Release, something I always like to see. These are the little bits and connection I like to see and would do well to build and drive these types of things as you move towards a Second Release.

Let me know how you'd like to proceed and we can move forward with this request!

Thank you for your considerate feedback.

I agree, that altering the battlefield by changing the very sky above is a bridge too far for a first power and have accordingly removed it. I've also changed the language from moonlight to starlight, and I have removed the "tough to heal" but to an aesthetic/non-combat effect so I can save real-estate on this ability later.

My request should be edited appropriately now.

Wonderful. Having reviewed this rewrite I think I am happy to move this request along.